Yesterday, firefighters rescued Robert Kent, 50, of San Jose from his burning house. The fire reportedly broke out at 3 p.m., in Kent's single story home on Annapolis Way.
According to the San Jose fire Captain Rob Piper, the cause of the fire is under investigation. The fire started in the kitchen and spread to the attic. There was no smoke detector, and smoke engulfed the whole house.
Firefighters pulled Kent out of the kitchen. His body was surrounded by flames, unconscious, on the floor. Kent has second and third degree burns on 50 percent of his body. Kent is listed in grave condition at Valley Medical Center.
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1 comment:
Don't start with your lead with the "when" of a story. Start with the most important and/or interesting info, generally the "who" and/or "what" of the story.
Is the time of the fire, and the location of the house, the next most important thing to know?
How about putting some more interesting info into the lead. For example, instead of just saying that firemen rescued him from his burning house, you could say that firemen rescued him after they found him unconscious on the kitchen floor, surrounded by flames. Much more dramatic.
Honestly, which lead would make you want to read this story? If you've got some dramatic, attention-getting details, why not use them?
8/10
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