Pipe fitter in Springfield suffered Third-degree burns Yesterday.
Duane La Chance, a 55 year-old Gross Engineers' employee was listed in serious condition Wednesday night after accidentally touching a power line with a piece of angle iron. La Chance was installing new pipes on the roof of a power plant.
Car accident on U.S. 63 in Springfield
Earlier today, James W. Cunning, 20, was driving south on U.S. 63, when Wayne Clay, 19, apparently crossed the center line and struck his vehicle. Cunning is in satisfactory condition at Springfield Hospital.
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1 comment:
1a) This reads like a headline, not a lead sentence. It's too short, not enough info. (Or is it a headline and you only wrote one version of this lead? I can't tell.)
1b) Instead of identifying him by his employer, tell me he's a Springfield man -- more readers are likely to identify with the city than the company, and that means more readers.
2a) Headline?
2b) Don't start with "when" -- focus your lead on the guy who got injured in this car accident.
5/10
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